I’m a writer, I write.

January 16, 2012

I’ve learned that journaling is instrumental for my mental health. I’m not always able to work through my initial reactions and emotions by the process of thought alone. There are times when I say “I can’t physically calm down!” and it certainly resembles an anxiety attack.

But what I’ve learned is that the writing process, the physical movement of hand, pen, paper, pauses

is therapeutic in itself…

let alone the unfolding of thoughts in a natural, steady pace

that always eventually brings me to a better place…

even if it isn’t until fifteen pages deep.

Typing, blogging, talking… it’s just not the same, it’s not enough, not for me.

I’m a writer, I write.

Writing brings me from chaos to calm,

from panic to persistence,

from angry, to apathetic, to anxious, to anticipating what’s to come. 

Writing takes me from frustration to formulation,

from confusion to compassion,

from hate to heal.

Writing takes me from from ocd to optimistic,

from sad to strong,

from defeat to defiance.

And it’s because of writing that I went from giving up, to not giving a shit, to giving it my all.
It reminded me of the fundamental truth that I can not control or change anyone or anything but myself. It all begins with me, then us, then our family. And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that it would alleviate so much stress if I would stop skipping over the “me” part.

I made a decision that I am reclaiming my “awesome” in 2012. This year is all about waking up every single day feeling full of awesome! I have to begin with me. I have to invest in Sofia. Nothing is more important than cultivating the “self”. I have to fill up my own tank, before I can give of myself, otherwise all my husband and children will have is me – on empty. I have to put on my own oxygen mask. How can I save them if I’m gasping for air myself?

And that’s where I’ve been – running on empty and trying to have just enough to make it to the next destination, the next day.
I’ve been suffocating, yet wondering why I can’t breathe life into my marriage.
I’ve been lost, trying to map out the way for my children.

my blog.SofiasIdeas

So, for the last two weeks, I’ve been writing again. Just me and my cup of black tea. No intention, no premeditation, no forethought… just my pure, unadulterated truth. And when I’ve said all I needed to say, written all that I’ve felt moved to write, I end it with “Today is a new day filled with infinite possibilities…

It centers me, it steadies me, it readies me for the day ahead. It’s how I fill myself up. It’s how I’ve been reclaiming my “awesome”.

Typing, blogging, talking… it’s just not the same, it’s not enough, not for me.

I’m a writer, I write.

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Bea, OT

Ugh! I need to do this too. I can’t just think…I have to write or I just start to panic, which happens to be what I’m doing right now!

Thank you so much! This is just what I needed!
Bea, OT recently posted..this moment

Reply

Sofia's Ideas

Bea, I feel your pain! Sometimes I feel so chaotic and overstimulated that I just need to sit and make a list. Sometimes, I need to rewrite that list several times before I feel “ok” again. Its the one ocd thing that has actually gotten worse while other behaviors subsided. My family even makes fun of me about my “lists” but whatever. I’ve come a long way.

As far as the writing I’m talking about in this post, it truly is therapeutic for me and when I am unable to write for whatever reason, I feel “off”. Do you find the same to be true for you?

Reply

Danielle

This is wonderful! I have spent my life buying journals but using them for lists and just to have as comfort, yet never allowing myself to open up and write in a way that would be theraputic. I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet, but I’m learning that in the roughest of times, I do need to take care of me before I can take care of my child. So for now, my goal is to give myself 15 minutes a day to focus on me. Hopefully at one point, writing will be part of it.

Reply

Sofia's Ideas

I am a journal freak too! Well, I was anyway, but I found that my favorites for a journal are composition notebooks. I have to have a composition notebook and a blue pen. Otherwise, it doesn’t feel right. And then I have to go to the store to get the right kind of notebook and/or pen, and I have to rewrite everything. So now I know better than to try to write without those 2 things. Insane, right?

I think you should just jump in and put pen to paper. Just do it and see! You might just doodle, but that would be ok too, ya know?

Reply

High Heeled Life

GREAT POST!!! … There certainly is something magical about putting pen to paper… blogging and interaction with the wonderful friends of BlogLand can be helpful and most supportive, too.

From one writer to another … keep on (hand)writing… it is a wonderful gift we have been given! HHL

Reply

Sofia's Ideas

Thank you so much, really. I truly appreciate you taking the time…
I agree, blogging has been real therapy for me. I have met some wonderful people along the way. Some come and go, some stay. But yes, that “magic” happens with pen and paper…

Reply

Professional CV Writer

I love nothing more than spending an afternoon whiling away the hours in the back of a small, old school coffee shop. Exercise for the mind…

Reply

Sharon

Love it Sofia and very well written!!!

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