on marriage

November 17, 2011

photo via joyfulabode.com (via pinterest)

I love this quote on marriage! I read in a book once, a beautiful reminder, to be as passionate about staying married as you were about getting married. I think it was referring to the pomp and circumstance sometimes involved in courtship and the wedding itself. It is human nature to, at times, take each other for granted in a long-term relationship. So…how do you make that above quote true about yours? What do you think about the idea that your spouse should çome before your children? What’s your interpretation?

{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Kristi

Love this quote! Sharing! It inspired me to do a little research on continued courtship in marriage and I found an article that really made me think about other things in my life right now that I really needed to hear. Thanks for sharing.
Kristi recently posted..Musical Baby

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Sofia's Ideas

Kristi, its been so long – I am so glad to see you back here again! Yay!

I’m so glad – I would actually LOVE, in all sincerity, for you to share that article with me. Would you mind?

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Sarah

i think happy parents make for hsppy kids and ifyou want them to be able to grow into adults who have successful relationships, you need to model how. Not to say that kids won’t turn out fine from divoreced families. Some things are out of our control. But I do think people today give up on marriage too easily

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Sofia's Ideas

Sarah, I agree with you whole-heartedly. My husband and I have always felt that the best way to approach this subject is to be open with our children. My parents didn’t discuss relationships with me, at all. They didn’t EVER fight in front of us, so I grew up thinking that marriages just work on their own, and that you are not supposed to fight. (That is another post in itself.) It wasn’t until very recently that I learned about the imperfections in their marriage.

Anyway, as for us, we are so far from being great role models. We have made many mistakes along the way… But what I can say about us is that we do take the time to discuss this topic with our kids, age appropriately.

I try to be honest about my own shortcomings. My children are aware that I work on myself as an individual, that I am committed to personal growth, so that I can be a whole person, with something to contribute to the marriage. Mine is of the philosophy that “a relationship is a place you go to give, not receive” and I can not give to my husband what I do not have myself.

Now, my question for you is… How does your philosophy translate in your daily life? How do you actually put it into practice?

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Sofia's Ideas

As far as divorce, well that’s a tough one for me to address. I think yes, in general, there is a “quick to get married, quick to get divorced” mentality. I have witnessed that even in my own circle. But also in my circle, I witness couples who try to do the best they can, with the tools they have at the time, and still they can not make the marriage work. Personally, I think I would want to try a separation first, (if it was feasible, of course) to see if divorce is ultimately what we both would still want. And I would hope that we could at least agree on doing whatever it takes to see if we could reconcile.

I dunno, this is a tough one because some people think “it should just work” and some think marriage “is a lot of work”. In my experience, in my own relationship, there are times that “it just works” and also times where “damn, this is a lot of work!”. Accepting that simple fact about our relationship has helped me tremendously. What about you?

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Danielle

Marriage is a tremendous amount of work. And I agree with the “quick to divorce” being such a fall-back for too many people. Because of the no-fault laws, it has become easier to dissolve a marriage than it is to work on it. I agree 100% on separation and doing everything possible to work on things before divorcing. That said, since legally it only takes one person to decide not to do this, it’s hard for the person left behind who was willing to put the work in.
As for putting marriage vs children first, I have mixed feelings on that. I grew up with parent who put each other first, to the point where children seemed to be an afterthought, something they did because they should. Not once in my entire life was I a priority or put first, no matter what the situation and I think that’s damaging. But on the other end, to put your kids first all the time is just as damaging to the marriage. It’s one of the many times there needs to be a middle ground, but that’s hard to find and even harder to keep up with consistently.
It really takes both people to be committed for the long-term. But if one person checks out, the other can only do so much on their own.

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Sofia's Ideas

There is so much in this thought-provoking comment… I don’t know where to begin.

I’ve always said that everything begins with us as individuals, then us as a couple, then as a family. I look at it like we need to put ourselves first so that we are “full” and have something to contribute to the marriage. If we are “whole” people, it translates into all areas of our life, marriage being one area. Then we have to be fulfilled in the marriage because then that overflows into the family. Does that make sense? But it is difficult to take theory/philosophy and put it into practical daily living. It is difficult to feel responsible for everyone’s emotional needs, especially during those times when you don’t feel “whole” yourself.
I also think the “d” word, divorce, is used too easily and too often. It is used for manipulation, mental games, threats, etc. but I think its dangerous and should not be so callously put on the table. It amazes me how quickly the word enters the arguments of newlyweds. Astounding.

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Anna Sides

Absolutely love the quote Sophia! How very true those words are 🙂

Also, wanted to let you know that you been awarded ‘One Lovely Blog Award’. Please stop by and pick it up and hope you enjoy it 🙂
Anna Sides recently posted..One Lovely Blog Award

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Sofia's Ideas

Thank you, Anna! So sweet of you to think of me! 🙂

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Callie Feyen

What a lovely quote! And I love how you designed it. It would be perfect framed and hung in our home – great words to live by as we try and strengthen our marriages.

Thank you so much for checking out my blog and for leaving such kind comments. It made my day! So glad to have “met” you and your awesome blog!
Callie Feyen recently posted..Because It’s Fun

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Sofia's Ideas

Callie, I didn’t design it. I found this on Pinterest but it didn’t have a credit link. I posted a comment to see if anyone knew where it originated, to no avail.

Glad to have “met” you too! ;o

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lulu

Thanks for your comment on my blog! Nice to connect through “Weteach”.

I think that a happy husband and wife make for a happy family and kids- I think you can have one without the other {ie happy kids even if the parents are not happy} but that it is more likely to go smoothly and for everyone to be happy if the mother and father/husband and wife are happy.

I don`t think you necessarily need to put your relationship before your kids but I do think that marriage requires a lot of work and that you have to be aware of the work it takes in order to ensure YOU are happy so that you can care for your kids and ensure they are happy, loved and that they know what love is.

You have a beautiful family!
lulu recently posted..Words…

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