Reflection in My Eyes

December 11, 2010

I have insomnia. Chronic insomnia. And I’ve had it since I was 13 years old. Its not necessarily that I can’t fall asleep, its more like I have difficulty staying asleep. Its rough at times, like nights when I am stressed or sad or worried, and its a struggle just to get comfortable. But then there are times that I actually enjoy my sleepless nights because I feel productive and peaceful. When else can I tackle my to-do list, read, write, or just think without interruption?

Last night was one of those enjoyable nights. Although I didn’t retire until after midnight, I found myself looking at the clock at 2am. It reminded me of a funny thing that happened when Sparkle was 3 years old.

It was 2am when she came into my room. Thankfully, I was already awake, just as I was last night. So instead of trying to rush her back to bed, I was able to give her my full attention and affection. My insomnia allowed me to make a memory that will last my lifetime.

She was clearly distraught, nearly in tears. I scooped her up in my arms, squeezed her tightly, and asked her what was wrong, in my most loving and caring mama voice. She told me that (her favorite) “animal went in sink” and that she “can’t find it! I can’t see it!“. She broke into tears. I took her by the hand, walked her into the bathroom to look, then concluded that it must have gone down the drain. She started to cry harder as she tried to tippy-toe to see for herself, so I picked her up to comfort her again. She looked into the empty sink, then shifted her gaze to the mirror. Then she shouted “Oh I find it! It’s right here!

Turns out it was in her hand the whole time! But she only realized it when she saw that she was holding it in her own reflection! We couldn’t help but laugh, as I showered her with kisses. And I’ll never forget how she looked at me when I tucked her back into bed. She stared deeply into my eyes with such a love and deep appreciation, that her eyes sparkled even more than usual. I asked her what was on her mind and she told me that she was happy because I cared. Not that I cared about her toy animal, but that I really truly cared about her.

And so today, as I begin my day with my family, I hope to remember that being the mom I aspire to be doesn’t mean that I have to pretend to care about what they care about. It simply means showing them that I genuinely care about them. It means being mindful of my response to them, my words, my intonation. It means stopping what I’m doing, getting down to their level, looking deeply into their eyes with an intent to connect. It means being present and in the moment, and conscious that so much of their self-worth is based on what they see when they stare at the Reflection in My Eyes.

This was originally posted on July 6, 2010
reposted in participation of {inhabit} by the little list
 

http://thelittlelist.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/inhabitthumb.jpg

“… habits make it easier to inhabit – to really dwell within these walls
and engage these beautiful ones entrusted to my care. “

{ 113 comments… read them below or add one }

Eva Gallant

that was a lovely post!

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Closer to Lucy

Lovely post…very thought provoking.

Lucy is out hopping. Hop by when you get a chance.
http://closertolucy.blogspot.com
Closer to Lucy recently posted..Beas Gift Baskets Review &amp Giveaway!!!

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Sofia's Ideas

Thanks a bunch, Lucy! :)

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Staci

Loved it when you posted it back in July, love it today!
Did u see me on the blog hop? They chose to feature me!! Can you believe it?
Perhaps good karma has come full circle? Who knows.
Between the two of us, we’ll take on the world! Make it a better place, don’t you think?
Staci recently posted..Relax &amp Surf Sunday Featured Blogger

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Olivier Moore

NovemberSunflower and SofiasIdeas… improving the world… one reader at a time…

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Sofia's Ideas
Sofia's Ideas

Thanks, doll! :)

Yes, of course I did!!! So proud of you – how exciting! And for sure, I think we can make a difference in our corner of the world…

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Meg Herald

I too have insomnia, but my trouble is getting to sleep, but at least I get to catch up on blogs I love to read!

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TVs Take

Great post Sofia! If your going to be up throughout the night it’s always nice to do something productive or have a sweet memory like this. Hope your weekend is going well
TVs Take recently posted..The Shelf Life of Our Experiences

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Sofia's Ideas

Thanks, TV! Yes, its fantastic until I crash and burn and can’t remember anything at all! LOL!

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