Reflection in my Eyes

July 6, 2010

I have insomnia. Chronic insomnia. And I’ve had it since I was 13 years old. It’s not necessarily that I can’t fall asleep, it’s more like I have difficulty staying asleep. It’s rough at times, like nights when I am stressed or sad or worried, and it’s a struggle just to get comfortable. But then there are times that I actually enjoy my sleepless nights because I feel productive and peaceful. When else can I tackle my to-do list, read, write, or just think without interruption?

Last night was one of those enjoyable nights. Although I didn’t retire until after midnight, I found myself looking at the clock at 2am. It reminded me of a funny thing that happened when Sparkle was 3 years old.

It was 2am when she came into my room. Thankfully, I was already awake, just as I was last night. So instead of trying to rush her back to bed, I was able to give her my full attention and affection. My insomnia allowed me to make a memory that will last my lifetime.

She was clearly distraught, nearly in tears. I scooped her up in my arms, squeezed her tightly, and asked her what was wrong, in my most loving and caring mama voice. She told me that (her favorite) “animal went in sink” and that she “can’t find it! I can’t see it!“. She broke into tears. I took her by the hand, walked her into the bathroom to look, then concluded that it must have gone down the drain. She started to cry harder as she tried to tippy-toe to see for herself, so I picked her up to comfort her again. She looked into the empty sink, then shifted her gaze to the mirror. Then she shouted “Oh I find it! It’s right here!

Turns out it was in her hand the whole time! But she only realized it when she saw that she was holding it in her own reflection! We couldn’t help but laugh, as I showered her with kisses. And I’ll never forget how she looked at me when I tucked her back into bed. She stared deeply into my eyes with such a love and deep appreciation, that her eyes sparkled even more than usual. I asked her what was on her mind and she told me that she was happy because I cared. Not that I cared about her toy animal, but that I really truly cared about her.

And so today, as I begin my day with my family, I hope to remember that being the mom I aspire to be doesn’t mean that I have to pretend to care about what they care about. It simply means showing them that I genuinely care about them. It means being mindful of my response to them, my words, my intonation. It means stopping what I’m doing, getting down to their level, looking deeply into their eyes with an intent to connect. It means being present and in the moment, and conscious that so much of their self-worth is based on what they see when they stare at the Reflection in My Eyes.

Idalia and Idalis.SofiasIdeas

This post is part of the Moms’ 30-Minute Blog Challenge, hosted by Steady Mom.

{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

Cristi

Wow, a touching story!

Just stopped by to let you know that I gave you an award to let you know how great I think your blog is:
http://thekingscourt4.blogspot.com/2010/07/its-awards-time.html
Cristi recently posted..Its Awards Time-

Reply

Sofia's Ideas

Thank you so much, Cristi! I so appreciate that, really, I truly do.

Reply

TVs Take

What a wonderful post. Thanks for sharing with all of us!
TVs Take recently posted..Being Grateful

Reply

Sofia's Ideas

Thanks, TV! I enjoyed taking a trip down memory lane.

Reply

KimD

Great Post! I feel the same way and live with the same type of insomnia!

Reply

Sofia's Ideas

Thanks, KimD! How do you manage your insomnia?

Reply

Nina

nice. i was reading a book abt compassionate parenting last week and he relayed a story about how his son said to him “you love me for just being me” and I was working on that mindset with my son this week. your story reinforced how great that is. thank you.

Reply

Sofia's Ideas

Awh, what a gift that son shared with his father! I would love to know what book you are reading! Care to share?

Reply

The Wife of a Dairyman

I must say, I feel your pain speaking of insomnia. I too only have about 2 entire nights per year of uninterupted sleep. Falling asleep is easy, but staying asleep is whole different issue.
What a touching story of you and your daughter….loved it:)
The Wife of a Dairyman recently posted..Dairy Day

Reply

Sofia's Ideas

Thanks, Nancy… It seems that many of us share this problem. How do you manage your insomnia? I am open to suggestions because I don’t think I can function for much longer like this!

Reply

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge

Previous post:

Next post: